We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
