i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
