Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
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