hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
