If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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