I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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