dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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