ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I could make wine with my vomit
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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