uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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