And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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