I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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