My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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