Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
