had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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