I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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