dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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