what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
