garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
