I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize