Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
