those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
