I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
