This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
