WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
