so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
