I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I AM VODKA MAN
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
