Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
