3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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