i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
