I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
