yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
