you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
