No awkward lesbian experiences without me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
