Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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