i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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