Porn is love you can see.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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