on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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