I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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