nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
