I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
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I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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