I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this will be a night to untag.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
