so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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