Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
