He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
