My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I spit up blood this morning
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.