I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations