Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!