I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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