My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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