hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
