even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
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