Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
