is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
barbara walters just said penis...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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