Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
