I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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