just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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