She said her name was "party"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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