You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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