dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize