Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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