His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
