pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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