dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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