it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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