you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
