conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila