Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.