This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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