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oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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