Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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