Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
