I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
