Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
