We named our party play list daddy issues
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
