Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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