Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
