ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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