I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
is it fun? or sober?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
